What lies beneath your white lie?

The world we live in has made light of  a lot of areas that the bible clearly puts out in black and white. The political correctness has began to creep into the relationships within our family, within our marriage.

We want to protect those relationships we hold close to us and the people in them. When those close to us display an area of distress, we look to build them up through complimenting areas in which we see strengths. Boosting their confidence by including a little “white lie.” Whether you meant it to be or not, it is a form of deception.

I know first hand how a marriage can be destroyed by deception. Your spouse asks why you lied to them. Your response is, “I didn’t want to hurt you.” Believe me that does little if anything to make the pain any less. And besides, you weren’t being totally honest when you said that were you. The truth is, You didn’t want to hurt YOU!

There are thousands of ways we can deceive one another, including ourselves. We deliberately mislead others to enhance our own personal gain, deny responsibility for having done something wrong. Deception is a form of deflection. Trying to pin your hurts, hangups and habits on others, just so you can feel better about who you are. This interferes with the quality of our relationships, the quality of our marriage.

While you may have been partially wanting to protect your spouse and what the two of you have through your white lies, I suspect you were also trying to protect yourself. You have been hiding truth that would hurt your relationship.”

Hiding under that white blanket of lies will destroy you. It will destroy what you have and will destroy what you could have down the road. Little by little the truth seeps out. And piece by piece the story is shown. Eroding what is left of the trust in your relationship. Crumbling what the relationship could have been. So what you thought as a little white lie, turns into life shattering decision. May or may not have been intended, but in the end detrimental to you and your relationship, your marriage.

If you have been in these shoes, I can offer you hope. I have been in these shoes, I have chose myself over my family, my wife. Though it seemed harmless, it tore my world apart. Furthermore, it tore my family apart.

In order to stop the destruction, I had to open up and communicate. I had to allow  honest, authentic, two-way communication to reveal where I had cracked open the trust in our relationship. I had to be open to being transparent in everything with my family, with my spouse. The ironic thing is, that is what God calls us to be. Transparent enough to let others see God at work in and around us.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)

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